HOW TO GROW OLD GRACEFULLY, NOT GRUDGINGLY
By GELIA T. CASTILLO
Discussion paper for the FORUM ON HEALTHY LIFESTYLE: SECRET OF GRACEFUL LIVING by the National Academy of Science and Technology,Philippines, held at the Manila Hotel, May 14, 2009.
Let me begin with a Doctor;s Prescription for Well-Being (Sherwin B. Miland, The Art of Aging, Random House, NY 2007) which says: “Whatever may happen in the far-off future, the one certainty with which no responsible scientist can disagree is that there is at present no medicine or pill of any value to combat aging, nor is there likely to be one soon, if ever. Some of our most experienced biogerontologists are convinced that no aging gene will ever be found… Hence, the better we have used our years, the greater will be the rewards of individuality and accrued wisdom.” (pp 186 & 296)
The onset of aging can be so gradual that we are often surprised to find that one day it is fully upon us and the realization is rarely welcome. Dr. Sherwin B. Muland shown us that getting older has its blessing. Age concentrate not only in the mind but the body’s energies, leading many new levels of creativity, perceptiveness and spiritual growth. Becoming old, Muland teaches us is not a disease but an art – for those whom practice it well it can bring remarkable fulfillment. Faith and inner strength, the deepening of personal relationships and the realization that career does not define identity, the acceptance that some goals will remain unaccomplished – these are among the secrets of those who age well.
It may be hard to believe, but we all started young. As a lifelong participant in this inevitable growing-up process, there are some thoughts I’d like to share with people from all age cohorts:
1) Have a purpose in life. It is neither healthy nor spiritually uplifting to say: “We are already in the pre-departure area.” There must be a reason for getting up each morning, whether it be exercise, prayer, plants, telenovelas, Manny Pacquiao, Kris Aquino or a paper to read or write.
2) Be happy. A glass half-filled must be seen as half full rather than half-empty. Intellectual curiosity works wonders fro an otherwise idle mind, consumed with self-pity.
3) Be beautiful or handsome on a day-to-day basis, not just during the holidays. Beauty is enhanced by years of experience and accumulated wisdom which the young do not yet have. Never underestimate what this means for self respect. For those 80 an above, try not to look poor and try not to look sick. It makes a lot of difference in the way other people respond to you.
4) Have friends and enjoy each other. However, friendship is like a plant. It needs to be nurtured so it will grow, blossom and bear fruit. We need friends more than we realize.
5) Practice selective memory i.e. remember good times and never mind the bad times. Hold no grudges against anyone in the interest of good health.
6) Economic independence is a virtue to be cherished especially later in life. This means preparing for old age while still young. If you have not done this, pray, count your blessings and make the most out of them. For those overflowing with assets, resists the pressure to turn over all of them to your heirs. Leave yourself enough liquidity to keep under your pillow. Money is not everything, but it is a great thing to have at your fingertips.
7) Do not live all your life for your children. Live a part of it for yourself, otherwise, you will manifest the Orphan Mother or Orphan Father symptoms. Children have their own lives to live. Let us not prevent them from doing so. Grandchildren are precious “bonuses” provided they are not your full responsibility.
The “Wheel of Life” (gulong ng palad) continues to turn even in old age. Be kind when you are at the top. If you had done that in the younger years, the later years are bound to be kinder to you. Those who retire from high positions of power, tend to suffer from the “withdrawal of power” syndrome and may become difficult to live with.
9) Share whatever you have – whether it be wisdom, time, talent, resources or even laughter. Being old is not an excuse for being boorish. A lady should always be a lady and a gentleman should always be a gentleman.
10) In unequal society, the burden of disease and benefit of good health are also unequally distributed. There is a negative correlation between poverty incidence and longevity. The rich tend to live longer than the poor. Unlike what we were taught in grade school that: “health is wealth”, in real life, it is wealth which buys health. Women also live longer than men and perhaps can enjoy a second chance in life more than men.
Over a 100-year period (1902-2003), the Filipino female added 58.6 years to her life. While the male added only 55.66 years. This is a difference of 2.9 years. As of 2003, females outlive males by 5.2 years. This female advantage over males in terms of life expectancy was observed on all provinces including ARMM. As a matter of fact, Basilan females could expect to live 7.4 years longer than males. Does this mean Filipino females are healthier than males even in high poverty provinces? To add to this definition of “disadvantage,” Maligalig and Albert (2008) found that it is the boys more than the girls who are more likely not to attend schools (Maligalig, Dalisay S and Jose Ramon C Albert, Ensuring a more evidence-based policy for basic education” Policy Notes, no. 2008-03 April 2008, Philippine Institute for Development Studies). These have very real implications for our young people and for relationships. Perhaps more girls will marry younger men with lower education and even lower income than theirs.
Finally, whether male or female, poor or non-poor, let us enjoy the gift of life. We go through it only once.
